People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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