They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
