so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
