I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Don't make out with my wife yet
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
