Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
