In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
