If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My vagina is officially offended.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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