How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
