I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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