Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
