Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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