Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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