I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
