Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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