Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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