If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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