just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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