We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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