I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
