So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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