4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
