Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
