Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
