Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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