Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
