btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
soo... how was my night?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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