My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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