; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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