I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
