That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
