First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize