He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
