So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i may or may not be watching the land before time
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
