dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
