What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
