Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
