I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Found your dick twin last night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
