life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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