I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
