Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
