fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
