i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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