it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
