so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
