It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sober January is a disaster.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize