My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
