OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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