There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
