I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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