my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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