If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
