so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
