wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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