Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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