im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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