I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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