My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
