very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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