I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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