I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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