I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
