3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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