My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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