He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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