My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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