I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
