tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
