I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
