it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
