God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just sent this text using only my big toe
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Mom said you looked used
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize