I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
