Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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